She had invited us to stay with her for a few days and in that time we got to know a truly compassionate yet determined woman who had made early decisions about what the rest of her life would mean after the death of her son, a vibrant energetic boy who clearly took up more space than his small frame would warrant. ‘Jesse was a ball of light, constantly spinning – he’d go up to a group and say, “Hi my name’s Jesse Lewis what’s yours?”’
“to walk through the fire”
Those early decisions were firstly to accept the pain of her grief as real, to not shy away from all the awful feelings that she experienced but to (and this was a new idea for us) to lean into the trauma, “to walk through the fire” as she describe it. “I needed to embrace what I was feeling to embrace trauma and the discomfort – when you do that you experience a tremendous amount of growth” Not to do so in Scarlett’s view, if you just wrap it up and don’t address it, would be to allow it always to come back to haunt you.