“the love that you have for your children is constant, so when they die it doesn’t go away”
But Richard was also Margaret’s only child, and her grief has a particular dimension that maybe only childless parents may fully understand. Margaret had spent the last twenty years ‘pouring’ into her son, planning how she was going to assist him with his future so when he died she lost what she thought was her whole reason for being.
“The love that you have for your children is constant” she says “so when they die it doesn’t go away. And the hardest thing was finding a way to deal with the love that I still want to shower on him. It’s as if I have this field of love that is just hovering with no place to land. It’s there, it exists, it wants to be shared but there’s no place for it go.”
So what is good about her grief? For Margaret grief is something that we must allow ourselves to open up to – “its not grief that you keep locked down or buried somewhere.” Yet to feel that grief is going to take a huge amount of courage just to acknowledge that, yes, it is real. Her son, like our boy Josh, really did die and the aftermath of these tragedies is also real. But to accept the grief and all of the feelings that come with grief is no easy task.
“Because none of us want to feel pain.” She’s kind of stating the obvious, “so there’s another level of courage needed to let the people around you know about the grief that you are feeling, to be able to share it and talk about it.”